Army Strong
by msashleyrenee
Summary: Finchel deals with Finn's interest in joining the army.


i.

Football season came and went before he knew it. No recruiters. No scholarships. Nothing. It was just gone.

He swore he could see his future falling to the ground like the brown and orange leaves pooling at the bottom of the tree outside his house.

He had to catch it. He had to do something. Anything.

ii.

The idea came to him in history class. His teacher was saying something about the war on terror, and it hit him. Truthfully, he couldn't believe he didn't think of it before.

iii.

He didn't know how to tell her, so it kind of just came out one day. They were at the park, it was getting late and the sun was beginning to set. She was sitting on a swing, moving her shoes along the dirt underneath her. Her hands gripped the chains tightly, and her hair, sitting beneath her red beret, curled around her cheeks. She was smiling, talking absently about her application to NYADA. She looked so beautiful, he loved her like this, happy and relaxed.

"I want to be a boyfriend you can be proud of." He watched as her head snapped up at the sound of his voice. She _smiled_ at him, and moved a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "I'm already proud of you, Finn."

"Do you remember when you told me I've outgrown my dreams, and I should find new ones?" She nodded, smiling to herself at the memory of that night. "I think I found one."

"That's amazing, Finn!" She jumped off the swing to hug him as she excitedly asked, "What is it?"

"Well, I talked to a recruiter a few weeks ago, about joining the army." She pulled back, surprise and astonishment etched into her face. "The army…" she slowly repeated, "a recruiter for the army." Nodding to herself, she slowly retreated to her seat on the swing. He followed, hesitant, not exactly sure how to proceed.

He gave her a few minutes before asking, "Are you mad?" He winced in anticipation, he could just feel the yelling coming. "No," she whispered, shocking him. "No, I'm not mad." She turned to look at him, strength returning to her voice as she asked him, "This is what you want?"

"I think so, Rach. It feels right, like I'm meant to do this." He smiled at her, watching as she stood and smoothed out her skirt. She extended a hand to him, motioning for him to take it. "Where are we going?"

"We're going to research. If this is something you want, then I want to know everything there is to know about it." Her voice was warm, and the sun was giving her chocolate hair golden hues. He took her hand and let the thumb of his other brush against her cheek bone, tenderly. "I love you so much, you know." Her eyes fluttered shut as his lips feathered against each of her temples, finally resting on her forehead. She lifted her head back to press her lips to his. "Let's go." She whispered, falling back on her heels, subconsciously biting her lip.

She led the way to his truck and he didn't see her smile falter slightly.

iv

Kurt stood in his doorway, leaning against the frame, his arms crossed over his chest. "What's up, Kurt?" Finn asked without looking away from his laptop.

"You told Rachel." It wasn't a question. Finn smiled to himself. "Yeah, she was really great about it. We went back to her house and did a ton of research. She found so much info I can tell mom." Kurt raised his eyebrows, "She was fine with it?"

The tone in his stepbrother's voice made Finn look up, "Yeah. I expected her to be like, mad or something, but she was actually really awesome."

"She's trying to be brave, Finn. You can't really be that stupid." Kurt shook his head. "What do you mean? You don't know what you're talking about Kurt, she's really excited for me." Finn felt his anger bubbling up, _why was Kurt trying to ruin this for him_?

"She's been crying to me for the past hour on the phone. She's trying to be brave for you. She doesn't want to disappoint you, she wants to support you."

Finn shook his head angrily, "Go away Kurt. You don't know what you're talking about. You're wrong."

Kurt shook his head and told him softly, "Finn, she's trying to show you this time isn't going to be like the last time. She's trying not to screw this up…" Kurt sighed, defeated, "and it's breaking her. Whether you see it or not."

Finn looked up again to watch Kurt walk away and say over his shoulder, "You're not just making this decision for you."

v

He almost made it a whole week without saying something to her. He had been sitting on what Kurt had told him, and was really trying to see if she was pretending to be happy every time he saw her. She was an incredible actress.

He saw it in glee. Mr. Schue asked her to sing lead on the week's assignment and she smiled brightly but politely declined. She mentioned a tickle in her throat, and asked if Santana could sing it for her. Mr. Schue smiled at her and Santana sauntered her way down the isle to the front of the classroom. Finn was watching Rachel, her giving up the solo was alarm enough.

It happened after her head fell to write something in her notebook: she frowned. It wasn't a big frown, and people would probably call him crazy for thinking it was anything at all. It almost looked like she was in pain, like something was tearing at her, breaking her. That's when he realized: it was him.

vi.

He waited until glee was over and she opened her palm to him, an invitation. He took it, and she smiled as she stood and began walking out of the room. They made it to her locker, and he watched as she chattered on, mostly to herself, about the events of her day. He kept thinking about her lips, her beautiful, soft lips in a frown.

"Did I do something to make you not trust me?" It came out louder than he expected it to, and she jumped a little at the abruptness of his interruption. She looked up at him, scanning his eyes, trying to understand what he meant. She finally responded, "No, you didn't that I know of. Why?" She looked concerned, worried about what he had to say.

"I just can't figure out why you'd cry to Kurt on the phone for hours, but not even give me an idea that you're sad or upset or mad even." The words felt bitter and forbidden as they rolled off his tongue, like he wasn't supposed to tell her he knew. He didn't care, though; in fact he held eye contact with her the entire time, he wasn't ashamed, he deserved to know.

It was her that looked away, her gaze moving to trace circles on the floor, "Kurt shouldn't have told you that."

"You're right Rachel… You should have. I shouldn't have to hear from my step-brother that my girlfriend is an emotional wreck. You should have told me, I deserved to know how you really felt." He felt his anger seep into his words, and made a mental note to keep it in check. The last thing he needed was to make her feel worse. She looked back up at him warmly, "Oh, Finn." Her small hand reached up and rested on his arm reassuringly. "It's not that I don't trust you, Finn. I just can't talk to you about it. You need to make this decision on your own. I'm supportive of whatever you decide, but if we talk about how I feel about it, I become part of your decision."

Her words washed over him and his first thought was, _stupid_. "That's stupid."

"Excuse me?"

"That's stupid, Rach. You're already a part of this decision. I want you to be a part of this decision." He smiled down at her, sometimes she really did surprise him though, he'd give her that. He felt pretty smooth until he watched her face turn dark, not in a mad way, in a really sad way.

"You can't not do this for me, Finn. You need to do what is right for you, which is why we aren't going to talk about me anymore. I love you, and I want all of your dreams come true. I can't stand in the way." She kissed his cheek and turned to walk to the parking lot. He watched her go, more confused than ever.

vii.

He noticed the dark circles beneath her eyes three weeks later.

They were sitting on the couch in his living room watching a movie. He wasn't really paying attention, he was watching her. She was tucked under his arm, her hair like soft waves, cascading down her head.

He lifted a thumb to softly graze the sensitive skin, her tell of a lack of sleep. She flinched, turning to look at him. She recognized the concern in his eyes, and lurched herself forward to kiss him. Pulling herself into his lap, her arms wrapped around his neck. She felt his concern melt away as his arms circled her waist.

He buried his worry, but didn't forget it.

viii.

When he first told his mom she lost it. She cried hysterically for days. After a few weeks she adjusted and just kind of moved around the house aimlessly.

Every day Rachel came over after school and sat with her, it was the only time he heard life in his mom's voice. They drank tea and talked about… stuff. Finn always went upstairs and played Call of Duty.

One day he wanted a glass of soda. He made it halfway down the stairs when he heard Rachel crying. They hadn't heard him so he crouched down on the stairs and listened.

"What if something happens to him?" She whispered, letting her body erupt in sobs. It took everything in his body to stop him from going to her and pulling her to him.

His mom whispered, "Oh Rachel. I don't know… I just don't know. I suppose the best thing you can do is take care of yourself. You need to stop worrying for now, nothings set in stone."

"He doesn't even _know_ that this is what he wants. When I first asked him he said he _thinks_ this is what he wants. He has no idea what he's doing." Rachel cried and he heard his mom soothing her.

Finn crept back up the stairs and into his room. His mouth had gone completely dry, and a nagging suspicion told him soda would do nothing to fix it.

ix.

He and Rachel were going to the movies. She had some chick flick she wanted to see and he'd do anything to make her happy at this point. She hadn't laughed around him in about a week and he figured there'd have to be something funny in this movie she wanted to see.

Rachel's daddy was in the kitchen and Finn waiting in the living room for her, watching tv with her dad.

Rachel's dad broke the silence they'd been in for fifteen minutes, "She's been having nightmares you know." Finn's head shot up, his eyes meeting Leroy's hard ones. "She doesn't want us to tell you, that's why she's resisted having you over lately. But I think you deserve to know." Finn nodded, confused.

"She never sleeps for more than two hours at a time, and she always wakes up screaming. I'm sure you've noticed how tired she is… It's to the point where we keep a glass of water by her bed every night." Finn sighed, not knowing what to say. Luckily he heard Rachel coming down the stairs, but it didn't stop her dad from whispering, "We're worried about her."

x.

He was doing that thing again, where he watched her instead of the movie. In fact he didn't even know the name of the movie they "watching".

She was wearing jeans, she never wore jeans but her ass looked so good in them. Not that he could tell while she was sitting next to him, but hey a guy can imagine. Her shaking tore him from his day dreaming, her whole body was convulsing. "Rach? What's wrong?" he whispered. His head turned from her to the screen where he saw a young girl saying goodbye to a soldier. "Aw fuck Rach." He grabbed her hand and pulled her from her seat.

When they made it through the theater door she lost it and he pulled her to his chest. One hand on her the back of her head caressing her hair, the other found its way to the small of her back. "Shh Rach, it's okay." He soothed her, avoiding the disapproving glances from others in the Lima Movie Theater.

He weaved their way through the crowds, outside, through the parking lot, and finally to his truck. He put her in through the passenger side, and pulled her to him as he sat on his side. She quickly buried her face into his shoulder, her crying had stopped but he could still feel her body convulse gently.

She sighed into him, her hand rising to his shoulder to caress it gently. He felt her lips on his neck and he cringed. "Rach, I'm done with this." He pulled her hand from his shoulder, she flinched backwards and looked him in the eyes. "I'm done with you hiding your feelings. Especially like this, the kissing, the distractions; they stop now." He looked at her sternly and she looked down, raising her hands to wipe her tearstained cheeks.

He reached with his forefinger to hook under her chin and tilt her head up. He kissed her softly, sweetly, and placed his forehead against hers, cupping her face with his hand. Softly he told her, "You told me once that girls like Quinn hide their feelings to keep their power." She looked at him, realizing for the first time that she was hurting him. "You never used to before, so why are you hiding your feelings now?"

She smiled, and not a fake smile a real smile. "You're right, Finn." His thumb grazed her cheekbone tenderly as he stared at her. "So we can talk about it?" She shook her head, "Can I sing it to you in glee tomorrow?" He nodded and held her as she tucked herself into his arms, her breath warmed his skin through the fabric of his shirt.

xi.

He walked into the choir room with Puck the next day to see Rachel sitting in the center of the room on a stool. Another wooden stool sat in front of her, and the others in the room were silently watching her. He walked up behind her as Puck took his seat next to Quinn.

Rachel was talking to herself and she jumped a little bit when he placed a hand on her back. "Hey baby." He smiled at her and watched her relax. "Hi Finn," she smiled at him and motioned to the stool in front of her, "this is for you." He smiled back at her and sat on the stool, "A little nervous there?" She nodded, tilting her head to look at the floor. "It's just me, Rach. Just you and me." She looked up as Mr. Schue walked into the room.

"Hey guys! So before we start today's lesson, Rachel's been working on something she wanted to share." He turned to her, smiling at them as she nodded.

She turned back to the band and told them, "I'm actually not going to need your help after all guys. Thanks for practicing with me but I think I've got this one." She turned back to stare at Finn, but spoke to the room, "I know you guys know about Finn's new ambitions for his future. He's wanted me to share with him how I feel for a while now, but I've been too scared. I'm singing this for him, sharing this with him, but it's for all of you as well. I hope this is what you're looking for Finn, and I hope it helps you find your way." And she began, soft and quiet.

_I can't win, I can't reign_

_I will never win this game_

_Without you, without you_

_I am lost, I am vain,_

_I will never be the same_

_Without you, without you  
>I won't run, I won't fly<em>

_I will never make it by_

_Without you, without you_

_I can't rest, I can't fight_

_All I need is you and I_

_Without you  
>Without you<em>

_Oh, oh, oh!_

_You! You! You!_

_Without You! You! You!_

_Without you  
>Can't erase, so I'll take blame<em>

_But I can't accept that we're estranged_

_Without you, without you_

_I can't quit now, this can't be right_

_I can't take one more sleepless night_

_Without you, without you  
>I won't soar, I won't climb<em>

_If you're not here, I'm paralyzed_

_Without you, without you_

_I can't look, I'm so blind_

_I lost my heart, I lost my mind_

_Without you  
>Without you<em>

_Oh, oh, oh!_

_You! You! You!_

_Without You! You! You!_

_Without you  
>I am lost, I am vain,<em>

_I will never be the same_

_Without you, without you_

_Without you_

Her eyes never left his as she sang, as she silently cried, as she finished, the last two words in a whisper. Her performance was flawless, they always were, but they all knew this one meant more to her, it meant everything to her. Neither of them moved as the room slowly clapped, out of respect, out of understanding, out of empathy. Neither of them moved as the room slowly cleared, out of respect, out of understanding, out of empathy.

"Rachel," he whispered, "you will_ never_ be without me." She smiled, her eyes shimmering with tears. Her head bobbed in a nod, and she cleared her throat, "I don't want you to go, Finn. I don't want you to join the army. I want you to stay with me and go to New York. I want it all, I want the perfect life. I'm selfish… and now you know. I meant every word of what I sang. I am lost and vain, and I'll never be the same if you go. But you'll resent me if you don't."

She stood from the stool and turned to leave but stopped when his hand grasped her wrist. She spun to face him again, he was crying and she could see he was hurting. "I wish you would stop walking away from me, Rach, because I'm lost too," he whispered, brokenly.

She wrapped her arms around him and he buried his head against her chest.

xii.

They spent the next few weeks sorting out his options. She helped him make pro and con lists for each option he considered. They went on double dates with each couple in glee club, even Santana & Brittany.

He could tell Rachel had the best time when they went out with Blaine and Kurt though because she always smiled a lot and leaned into him when she laughed. The four of them would watch a movie in the Hudson-Hummel basement when they got back from their date. Rachel and Finn would really make out on the couch, wrapped up in each other and whatever blankets they could find, until Kurt and Blaine would throw pillows at them. She'd giggle and push him when he tried to resume kissing her. Come to think of it, they were his favorite couple to double date with too.

His favorite part of those weeks after the glee club performance was watching the dark circles beneath her eyes gradually fade. She was sleeping better, he knew because she would fall asleep at his house sometimes, tucked under his arm. He never had the heart to wake her, she always looked so peaceful. He always wondered if she slept that well at her house without him.

xii.

The letter came in the mail one day in March. He opened it and his mother was so happy you'd think he hung the moon in the sky himself. He made her promise not to tell Rachel and tucked it under his school books on his desk. The NYU seal sticking out slightly on the top right hand corner of the envelope.

xiii.

He was sitting in the living room with her dad again, the first time they'd been alone since their last talk. His mom was in the kitchen with Hiram, and Burt was supposed to be picking up Kurt and Blaine. Leroy looked away from the television and stared at the staircase leading to the second floor.

"She hasn't been having her nightmares for a while now." Finn nodded, "That's good." Leroy turned to look at him, "Thank you, for taking care of her. I know it was you that fixed her. We tried, Hiram and I, but it had to be you."

It was Finn's turn to look at the staircase, "I love her, I just want her to be happy."

"You make her happy. I'm glad she found you, Finn." Finn smiled humbly, and stood at Rachel's call.

"I'm ready!" The parents gathered into the living room and Finn stepped forward as he saw one black heeled foot descend the staircase. Her chocolate hair felt into banana girls framing her face. A gold prom dress hugged her body and pooled at her feet when she reached the bottom of the staircase.

"Beautiful," he murmured, offering her his hand which she gladly accepted. She giggled when he spun her, around taking in every view of the beautiful girl he was fortunate enough to call his. Neither of them noticed as Carole and Hiram snapped pictures. Leroy leaned against the hallway entrance, appraising the way his daughter melted to Finn's touch.

xiv.

They watched as the prom queen and king candidates gathered on the stage, Quinn Fabray was in the forefront, of course. Rachel sat on his lap giggling at the indiscretions he was whispering in her ear. His hand trailed along her spine, the other tenderly tracing her smooth calf, fished underneath the silky gold material. Neither noticed that the room had gone silent, or that the spotlight was suddenly cast upon them.

Kurt gently kicked one leg of their chair to snap them back into reality. They turned to find every eye in the room on them. Principal Figgins repeated his admission, "Your 2012 prom king is Finn Hudson." Rachel slowly stood from his lap, and smiled at him mouthing "go". She watched, her proud smile overtaking her face, as he unsurely walked to the front of the stage. She clapped as Figgins placed the crown atop Finn's head, and turned back to Kurt and Blaine.

"This is amazing!" She squealed, her and Kurt gabbing about the chances of Finn winning without a campaign. "Well I mean everyone does know him from football and-"

Blaine interrupted her, "Um Rachel, Figgins is staring at you." Rachel turned back slowly to face the stage again. Figgins nodded to her and announced, "And your 2012 prom queen is Rachel Berry."

Rachel sat in the seat, shocked, unable to move. "Come on! We have to lead her to the stage!" Kurt whispered to Blaine, the two of them standing to pull Rachel from her seat. They led her to the front, helping her up the stairs. Figgins placed the crown on top of her head and pushed her to her king.

"Oh my god." She whispered to Finn as he smiled to her, "This isn't possible. Why would anyone vote for me over Quinn?" Her eyes fluttered to the blonde who was surprisingly not sending her death glares. Figgins instructed them to take their dance as king and queen. She may have been shocked, but she still managed to wrap her arms around his neck. Finn smiled at her, "You deserved this, Rach."

She kissed him, passionately, until Sue made her way through the crowd to separate them. "This is not a porno people! Keep it in your pants!" Rachel giggled and felt Finn testing his luck and sliding his hands down from the small of her back to cup her ass. She didn't stop him.

"I love you," he told her, taking her hand and spinning her into a dip.

"I love you more, Finn Hudson."

xv.

They were at nationals, in New York again. He was staring at her from across the length of the red velvet curtain. He walked toward her, wanting his timing to be perfect.

"Break a leg." She smiled at him, taking his hand.

"I'm coming to New York with you. I was accepted to NYU. I'm not joining the Army. I know I'm supposed to go with you."

"Finn! Oh my god. I-I… are you sure?" He nodded and she kissed him. They were announced when she broke the kiss.

"We have to go, the show's starting." She kissed him again. "Oh my god!" She squealed as she ran back to her place. They walked through the curtain to sing their winning number.


End file.
